Slow Children at Play

A few weeks ago, as I was winding my way through a quaint little neighborhood in Westfield, I approached a bend when I saw one of those yellow plastic children who are posed in the "I am running in front of your car" position that people put on the edge of the street (of which there is only one image on the internet) to slow down traffic, and it pissed me off. When I was a kid, you just stayed out of the street, and if you didn't, you got flattened by a Mac truck or you got beat by your parents for playing in the street; nobody thought to put the onus on the driver, it was on the children where it should be. Maybe if your kids are too dumb to stay out of the street, they are a bit slow. So as I was about to plow the fake child over with the dump truck, I realized that the owner had attached a Miller Lite can to the fake child's fin-like hand--there were no fingers--and it made me happy to know that whoever lived in that neighborhood just wanted to keep all of the drunk little children safe, so I did slow down...in hopes of seeing one stumbling down the sidewalk or hitting on the ugly girl in the neighborhood.